scrappiness

I was at the Dodgers-Brewers game tonight and Craig Counsell came up to bat. My first thought was: "shouldn't he be providing color commentary for a minor league affiliate in Duluth by now?" An inning or so later Jason Kendall came up to bat and my first thought was: "I could have sworn he was dead."

That's about the time I got the idea for a team made up entirely of diminutive white guys who, despite a near constant stream terrible stats year after year, still - somewhat inexplicably - make it onto big league clubs year after year. They are commonly referred to as "scrappy."

Side note: Only white players can be labeled "scrappy." It's an unwritten law of sports journalism. If you're small, white, and not particularly athletic you're scrappy. Especially if you play middle infield.

Well, the backbone of my team would be Craig Counsell and Jason Kendall. And right off the bat (so to speak) I added David Eckstein and Dustin Pedroia to my roster of hardworking munchkins. A little more thought brought me to journeyman Adam Kennedy and the A's Mark Ellis. Once I got home, five minutes on ESPN's website (your worldwide leader in sports) led me to add Scott Posednik and Ryan Freel into the mix. Let's toss Ryan Theriot in there as a totally superflous utility player as well. The great thing about this team is that it doesn't really matter who plays where on defense, because they're all pretty much the same player. And they're all so scrappy and selfless that they'll gladly play any position. Truth be told, most of them are just happy to be on a big-league roster. That just leaves leaves a pitcher - and is there anyone better for this little thought experiment than the wily veteran Tim Wakefield? I think not. You don't really need anyone else on your staff when your ace is that crafty. And Craig Biggio would be my manager.

And there you have it: a team that would hit 50 home runs over the course of a season, but would have 300 ground ball base hits. They'd grind games by scores like 2-1 and 3-2 with smart baserunning and gritty defense and by running out ground balls like it's their first day in the pros. And everyone's jersey would be dirty by the third inning. It would be the most boring baseball ever.